Wednesday, 28 October 2009

后天的毕业典礼

当然,不是我的毕业典礼了。我的,过了,去年就过去了。去年的毕业典礼,并没有我想象的那么不舍…或许是我没那么地投入我的中学生活吧?那年,我以为自己会哭,可惜的事,我一点感觉都没有。就好像不是自己毕业,旁观者一样。我想象中的毕业典礼,应该是有许多不舍,有许多要和朋友说,要说完还没说完的话,要做完还没做的,可是一切一切,仅是幻想而已。事实上却什么都不是,什么都没有。还有话没说吗?赫,或许是没话可说,不是我已经说完了,而是没有一个对象可以让我寄言的。不舍?或许它早已不在我的字典里。应该说是没有任何一个人,是让我觉得分离了会可惜吧?一个没有感动、没有眼泪的毕业典礼,造就它的,是我自己对吧?5年来,难道就没有一个让我可以舍不得的人?难道五年里面就没有让我想保存下来的记忆?不知道。和小学的毕业典礼一样。12岁的我,没血没泪,一样头也不回地踏出了校园。毕业典礼对我而言,也只是个形式而已。不舍的眼泪,划过脸颊时,那年我四年级。不是因为同学,朋友,而是老师。梁依玲老师,是吗?名字我忘了怎么写,对不起。她,是我们班都很爱的老师,问当年的同班友人,何有人为其他老师哭过?不多。因为这老师,四年级那年,全班40几位同学哭成一团。她,并不是发生什么事,也不是离开学校,而只是为了女儿转去了下午班。或许那时候还小吧,单纯,或许是因为觉得老师不要我们了,老师抛弃我们了,玲玲种种的原因,不为人知的原因,大家都哭了。四年级的最后一天,老师给我们每一个人都送了礼物。我拿到的事一个陶瓷鸳鸯,它仍然在我的柜子里。梁老师给礼物都写上了祝福语,可我的鸭鸭底下的字都不再是字了。岁月磨走了字体,剩下的只是黑色笔墨,什么都没了,可惜…… 她,教过我们两年,因为舍不得老师走,大家哭了,老师也掉泪了。那年,我印象深刻。2001年,上课的最后一天的最后一节课,全班哽咽地唱着《萍聚》,一次又一次……把头埋在手掌里,趴在桌子上的,翻开书本遮着脸的,直接掉泪了…… 这些,我都还记得。虽然那种感觉不再,也不在,我仍记得那是——不舍。六年级里上课的最后一天,或许有一点点不舍,但却没人哭…也许是梁老师那年说的,把该在六年级毕业那年的泪水都哭掉了… 赫,我却把中学的也给哭完了……
这年他们毕业了,或许我和这年的人感情比较深刻吧…有点不舍。或许是自己还呆着,却看着他们离开,所以不舍,就像四年级一样,虽然他们都是团体里的队友,也没多少个人… 看着人家一一离去,这感觉有点不习惯… 明年我也会再毕业,到时我就是真正离开那学校了…

今天是毕业典礼的彩排,看着他们站在前面唱着毕业歌,那酸酸的感觉贸然而生…他们离开了。也许是自己留下,大家却走了;也许是朋友一一离开了;也或许是正害怕着“孤单”这词吧…… 也或许是不想他们离开后就像之前那些离开的一样,变成了陌生人…

在一年,我也会离开了,出去外面的世界,我会遇到不同的人,他们也会遇到新的朋友…真不习惯…… 离开中学就是意识着大家得过新的生活了,校园生活结束了。在外面,不会再有老师管我们了;在外面,不会再有老师那么关心自己的学业了;出到外面,不会有老师在限制自己了;到了外面的世界也意识着我们不再受保护了。老师在学校里,总是不被珍惜,总是被讨厌,可是他们的付出和牺牲却给了我们前途、未来。校规的都是好的,却是讨厌的,但还是有用的。学校给的约束,毕业了就解脱了。可是外面的自由,我要是那么有点恐惧… 少了约束,我会不习惯吗?少了约束,我会变坏吗?怎么突然不想毕业了呢? 一切一切仍然是未知数……

你们,也快毕业了… 我能给的就只有祝福… 不会要你们勿忘我的,放心……^^ 好好过生活吧!未来的日子可多的事呢… 中学的毕业典礼,一生就那么一次,珍惜吧…


((字体不见了……


你们毕业了,我还能做什么呢?没人和我废了耶!没有人和我说别人的坏话了!没人让我分享我的趣事了!活动下课得一个人去吃东西,吹歌的时候得一个人了啦!想发牢骚的时候,没人听了!想玩,也没得玩了… 哎哎~ 这些年,我真的是太依赖你们这几个了……嘉宁潘!最不舍的你了啦!T.T 你给我回来读中六啦……

Monday, 26 October 2009

I think it's time to reduce everything useless...

I'm still onlin everyday without fail, but my homework all piled up on the table and the worst is none of it done. I shall reduce my time on playing, put more efforts on my study since exams is just a less than one month time. I have many to read and study, because I always slept in class or day-dreaming, or just sit on the chair but blank in mind.

I must do well in this exam, at the point I cannot make joke with my the-only-future.

Going to follow my timetable back since I have abondoned it from a week or more...

Yoyo~ Aza Aza~ Start with my homework first, of course. ^^ Fighting!

Friday, 23 October 2009

Who will like an useless pig?

Here I guess, there must be many of them who dislike me? Am I right? Who will like a person who looks like a pig, and yet useless... I am weird, always alienate others... Maybe others alienated me? An eccentric? Somehow, I am.

Most of time I'm reticent in new surrounding or environment that I'm not familiar with, or I should say, I can only talk to those who I knew. I need to know about a person at a certain level then only I can speak, openly to, as well as accept them. But, do they accept me?

People are avoiding me? Are they?
People hate me? Dislike me? Do they?

Or I'm not worth to be a friend?

Am I too pessimistic?

Or they treated me this way only for the reason, I AM A PIG?

Appearance is the boundary to make friends? Isn't it? My appearance bothered the most, am I right? Yes, no doubt, it's a yes, for everyone, even me myself.



These questions always running in my head,
they never disappear.


Thursday, 22 October 2009

If and only if...

If and only if I put more efforts on my study,

If and only if I get my weight lose and those fats away,

If and only if I can control my emotion better,

If and only if I can talk more politely,


then....





I may earn some friends...

Wednesday, 21 October 2009

Few days of relax

From last friday, I do not follow my timetable as well as let my homework undone. Monday, public holiday again, yet, I do nothing but relaxing. Today, Tuesday, I went to school as usual, being sleepy whole day...

Tomorrow, deadline of my maths homework, and until now, I haven't finish it. (T.T) I just getting lazy by then... == Tomorrow I have to go on strictly on mytimetable. == Today, I will just struggle for my maths, that's all!!!

New song Ring Ding Dong - SHINee , nice song indeed. Ring ding dong ring ding dong ring dinger ding dinger ding ding ding.... ^^

Hwaiting!

Sunday, 18 October 2009

Concert Ended! ^^

Finally concert ended! Wow! So tired...
I know I am not good enough... T.T
I still cannot control my lips perfectly... Haie~

I reached DSP at 830am, and we sit in the car and wait for others to come... We are the earliest! == Then there are rehearsals... Until 1230 or 1300... Then we went to Gurney Plaza and took out lunch at McDonald. I have eaten 3 meals continuously, last dinner, today's breakfast and lunch...

Shopping in the plaza... I bought a keychain for my pencil case... ^^ I want to buy books, but I don't have such money to spend... == I am poor... I found many things to buy...

Piano - I should change my piano, because it is now not in tune, half tone down! Tuning is useless, cause it's old and without good care in these years... Maybe also before I owned it. But maybe I shouldn't change a new one... It's not affordable for my family, yet I am not learning for now.
Trumpet - THIS! It's time to own one... Using a school band's property now. == I want to have one, it doesn't have to be a professional model or what, it is okay with the model I'm using now... It's enough for me... At least I can continue playing trumpet at PSO.
Tuner+ Metronome - I do not have a proper tuner, and I need a metronome too... I need it, so I'll collect money for it, or just ask my mum to buy one.

....After shopping, we back to DSP again, and it's no one there since we are TOO early. Before "sound-testing session", I took a bath at toilet, at least it cooled me down as I am very tired since I don't get enough sleep... ^^ A "long" testing make me perform in empty stomach... == And after the concert, we went to the ABC room and MAKAN! Though it's not a big one, but it's enough for us... And then, back to home again...

In the way back home, I lapped very fast (It's fast for me, 100km/h -Slow?Fast?-). I was tired, and sleepy. I can drive but I totally do not have the mood to talk, or do anything, I just want to GO HOME! Home is always the final shelter. I missed my bed, my laptop, my pillow!!!

Today neither happy nor sad... It's just like usual day... And I don't really feel that today is Main Concert... I feel nothing... But calm at everything. T.T

Saturday, 17 October 2009

A holiday to myself...

This afternoon, sleepless... T.T
I keep dreaming and wake up almost every half hour...
And I hate it!!! It doesn't feel good at all!!! I am lack of sleep last night and this afternoon AGAIN!!! My God!

Today, I do nothing, but only went to rehearse... Tomorrow I will not spend my time on my homework and study, because tomorrow I have to go to DSP for last rehearsal and prepare for concert in the evening... I have to go early tomorrow too... 0900... And tomorrow afternoon it'll be free time for everyone, of course, I'll spend my time at Gurney Plaza... Window Shopping, because I have no money!!!

I should go to pack up my things now... Good Night and I hope I can sleep well tonight! ^^ Annyeonghijumuseyo!!!!

怎麽又是一天…

今天星期五,本來不想上課的,
可是早上起來就被念,只好乖乖去上課咯……
可是……今天周會,本人也沒心情上課啊~
整個人就朦朦朧朧的……
很睏,再來也沒睡好,所以根本就不可能能專心嘛……

而且今天周會就用了不少節課,
數學課也用去,今天去上課根本沒意義嘛…

更慘的是,去了也沒收穫!還搞到自己更加累。

放學回來,上了一下網,又投降了,睡覺去…嘻嘻~
可是也沒睡好…幾乎半個小時醒一次……== 真無奈。

之後要去DSP為明天的concert彩排…
當然,晚餐又是麥儅勞…
也拿了個青色的玻璃杯回來……贈品唄…

昨天吃了臭豆,搞得現在全身上下臭臭的,嘴巴臭臭!!! ==
自作自受!

今天的練習嘛…
一下子而已,因爲沒有玩《梁祝》和Mozart Symphony No.35...
話説回來,
那個Yung-Chiao WEI(人家姓魏,魏詠蕎,名字很好聽!!!), 也就是那個玩《梁祝獨奏》的double bass professor!!!
她很厲害,也是美人一個!瓦今天總算見識到了!真的很厲害!!
用倍大拉《梁祝》耶!很神奇的說~ (本人孤陋寡聞不可以厚?)
厲害的人真的很厲害!

明天得早起,9點開始彩排,
雖然沒有我的份,可是早去也無妨,
我想看完整的一首《梁祝》!!! muahahaha! ^^



Thursday, 15 October 2009

I am tired!

Hmm... Forcing myself to follow my timetable is tiring me up. Usually I will sleep in the afternoon after school (without fail), and I will only wake up when it's dinner. Two days without nap, totally make my brain blank! Today, after back from band activity, I opened up my maths, and my brain simply cannot function. I put my notes and revision book on table and without doing anything but only look at it and BLANK! ==

I can't stand it any more, and finally I went into bed. I suppose to wake up at 2030, but I don't know why my alarm doesn't ring...

After dinner, I revise my maths, it still an OK. ==

2200!!! It's time to open my laptop! Muahaha~ Then I took my laptop out, and now I'm here... Muahaha!

Undeniably, I was only waiting for the time to on-line, everyday. I shouldn't to! == But life is bored, you know??? (U-know?! ^^ Hahah) But actually I have nothing to do, but must surfing, and "diving"...

With these few days' effort, I found that my life more systematic compared to previous messy one. ^^ Aza Aza Fighting!

Wednesday, 14 October 2009

I got do my homework!!!

Trying to keep away from notebook is really tough! I keep my notebook in cupboard, at least I won't see it... == I can't play unless I finished my homework... For these 2 days, I just get to open it after 1030pm as I finish my homework and do my revision... ==


I want a better result in this year end exam!!! La!!!
Form6's homework called Assignment?! Cheh! Homework is still homewok...



My PP homework... All are words!!!
11 pages with almost every line with words... T.T
Because of these, I can't leave my table to go to DoubleBass Recital!!! Argh!
Today I just done my PP which I have to pass up by tomorrow...
There are Mathematics and Economy I neither done nor start to do... ==
Suisiao because of my laziness!!! My GOD!

It's time to get back to normal life...

Wasting my life everyday on the net, sometimes even without doing anything. Now, I think it's the time to get back to my own normal life then. Obsessed and used to to easy life after SPM, watching videos, shows, dramas and comics, as well as novels, but totally not studying. Now I am far behind in my study, and it seems quite tough too follow up the lessons, yet the year-end-exam is only a month left.

Thinking of my future, doing nothing surely will not make a nice ending. I don't want to live in misery in the future, and at least I get a certificate or whatever to ensure I get a job.

Once I envy about those students who are going to fly to other countries that I never step on. Though it's not a easy task for STPM student to get scholarship to go oversea but maybe I should try it off, if i failed, at least I have tried my best... Isn't it? I re-think about it because of the words from my friend. I should thank him for a few words that make changes on me. Thanks, pal!

I re-think about it in these few days, and I really should try my best to pass my STPM with flying colours as it is my last chance to get to study oversea. I haven't think about what I want to be in the future, but I have to start my hard work as a foundation for everything I would face in the future study as well as my life and career.

Trying my best to get what I want, the least is I won't regret for what I have done. I have missed the opportunity to get good result in the past and I should not miss it again. Chances are in our hands, it's question that do we try to grab it, or we just simply let it slip away. It slipped once, and I won't make it slip for twice!

I have chosen the path, and it is the point of no return. No matter what I will face, or how tough it would be, I will go till the end with my full strength, no turning back but go forward! I've make my promise here and I will do my best to realize it! Aza Aza Fighting!

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

繼續腐爛下去吧!

天啊~我真的快爛掉了。功課沒做,書沒讀,上課睡覺。
根本就是無心向學,我何必啊我?!

我一點也沒有想努力的衝動…
畢不畢業,成績好不好,我現在一點也不在乎!

我真的很無心!

做自己不喜歡的事情,何必呢?

沒錢,沒腦,沒前途;
沒臉,沒用,沒身材;
沒心,沒肺,沒良心;

人干一個!啊啊啊!!!

怎麽繼續下去我一點頭緒都沒有!

剩下一個月就考試了,我根本沒有那種拼搏的心情嘛~

去學校也是眼睜睜地看著人家努力,自己卻無心無力!

天啊!!!

Sunday, 11 October 2009

(x 。x)

Two days has gone, without doing anything but only sleep and eat... Am I PIG? Today, sure to be a waste AGAIN... T.T I still haven't start to work on my homework... My GOD! I am becoming lazier and lazier!

Later gonna go to PSO la! No car today, so I go with my family... They go to shopping but I will remain at DSP and blow my lousy lame trumpet! Haie~

Homework... PEE TEPI la!!!! Argh!!! I hate school!!! I hate homework!!! I hate student's life!!!! AHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, 10 October 2009

I am, am I?

What kind of person am I to others? I don't know...
Stubborn? Stupid?
The ugliest? It's a sure for this. ^^
Or a person who are not easy to get along with?

Hmm... What others look in me? A passer by? Maybe...

Sometimes I felt like being left alone. Friends? Who are them? Who likely to be my friend? Ironically, I don't even know who is really a friend... Maybe a few... I am not sure who to be called a friend.

Lonely days again,
once I playing in forums,
once I went shopping with friends,
once I chatting a lot with friends using MSN...

Now? Everything seems estranged...
I only the one who playing with myself in front of my notebook.

But what I am sure about is some of the people are avoiding me... Right?

難道我就那麽可怕嗎?

Tuesday, 6 October 2009

俺就是喜歡教主唱歌~

거위의 꼼 (Goose's Dream)
那個女生是很厲害~
但是俺仍然愛秀秀的聲音唄~
秀秀很會配音!會配音的人我都覺得很厲害,很不可思議!==因爲真的很難的說~
每次和朋友玩chord一定是雞皮疙瘩收場~ T.T
秀秀很厲害!
俺也是俊秀教的!教主萬歲!!! ^^



그아픔까지사랑한거야(痛苦也愛著)

這個嘛,秀秀在反轉劇裏清唱的~ 也是在在選修是場的那首~
赫赫,不知誰有這首歌,給我好不?
都不知去哪兒找~
下面也是同一首歌~也是秀秀唱~嘻嘻!




Anycall concert: Memories
這首我也很想要~ 誰有?! 我也不知道這首的韓文/中文名字是什麽~但是很好聽就是了~
誰有啊?!!!

Beautiful Thing
這個當然……
嘻嘻~ 又一度俺天天就只repeat這首歌~
太愛啦!!!

Rainy Night

TIMELESS
這首歌的對我而言……故事很長~赫赫~
我開始囉嗦啦!這個嘛~ 
我朋友send給我的。^^
然後就聼(廢話~
呃~歌曲資料都會有歌手的名字嘛~(廢話~
所以我就知道是神起裏的一員唱的。
我上面有說嘛~我很崇拜玩chord很厲害的人。
秀秀就是一個啦!因爲這首歌,我去找了很多神起的歌。
他們每個人的vocal都很厲害,
還玩acapella,acapella=chord progression要很好嘛~
所以就這樣加加減減地,乘乘除除地,慢慢就愛上了~(應該不算慢了~ 赫赫~

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

总是很可爱的秀秀正散播着快乐病毒~嘻嘻!!

秀秀病毒~ 俊秀教的教主!!!
教主万岁!!!


或许……吧。

想了很久,我觉得我的心可能生病了。 ……慢慢地觉得不快乐越来越多。 大概说出来,人家会觉得我矫情吧。 或许真的是矫情吧。 这一年……一年多来困扰我的事情,或许就播下了种子吧。 忧郁吗?不像。我能从网上挖到的、读到的……似乎我的状况不多吧。 我没有看医生的打算,也没有想死的念头。看...