I shall seriously concern about my future now, since I only left a year, maximum, I think.
Yes, it's the time for me to choose.
I am not superman, I am just a normal one. Ah sir said that we must think what is important and what is urgent. This year, I will be taking my STPM exam and I shall do it well this time and also the school exams which I need have good results to apply for scholarships. It will be a busy year for sure.
Now, I am in a dilemma in giving up my music. I love music, music is my life. ^^ I know it's not possible to become a musician as I started so late and I am not that talented in it, yet I did not get a proper lessons from anyone for my trumpet. And I had been stopped learning piano when I'm in form 5, 17 years old that year. I just stopped the lessons after I took my Grade 5 theory exam though I passed with distinction on it. Ah! People thinks that I shouldn't take music as my first choice as they think that I have a so-called "good" brain, and I shouldn't take the risk in music study and yet it will be a waste for "such-brain" to learn music. I am not agree with them that I owned a "better" brain, I was just ordinary person with "more" nerves linked. I love music, and I don't think that music is for those who are weak in academy to choose. I know that learn music need a lot of talent which I don't have, so far... (Yet to discover?? I hope so...) Yet, study in music will cost a lot. So, it's not affordable for my whole family since I have 2 more siblings are still studying, they need money too for their further studies. I can't be selfish, they have their rights to go on on study, and I should give them their chance.
Taking music isn't work in Malaysia as music industry are still in a primary development compare to other countries like Korea, Japan and Taiwan... Yet, we are not exposed to the art of music as well...
Now, the question is should I continue to attend Penang Symphony Orchestra's practice? I need to drive to Penang every Friday and the journey took me almost one and a half hours in the car excluding the practice time. And I am quite lazy to do it... For some people, they may think that I was fake that I said I love music but I am not putting efforts on it... Yes, I admit it. I am lazy, totally lazy. Yes, it's only a few hours a week, I can always get in touch in music... I practised it for almost a year, yet, I am tired with it, exhausted when there were concerts and shows. I have to rush here and there, school, tuitions, and PSO... I really don't want that kind of life anymore... =.= But I still love to play music. I blame, I blamed that why our country didn't give us chances on music. Why must Maestro Woon always help those people, students who are talented or intersted and he always spread music everywhere, at least, in Penang.
I don't know whether I can buy my own trumpet next year, but if I can, there will be no problem for this, since I can continue next year. But now I am using our school band's property, if I give up this year, and I can't get a trumpet, then it will be NO MORE! This problem always make me into a bad bad mood! Argh!
Well, how about my future study in the future? I know it's the major thing that I have to concern about! What should I choose? I don't know... In simple words, I don't know anything! ㅠ___ㅠ I pray for myself to find something I really interested on, or else !@#$%^ "............" Speechless.... I know someone hates people with no aims, no goals, no objectives, but I really can't find one. I am trying my best to keep all my subject in good results, push myself to have better opportunities as well as chance to choose when I can choose. NO TARGET is the worst thing about myself, just not SO motivated when doing my things... It bothers me a lot... Zzzz~
*Blank*
Another thing, my ENGLISH! It's still weak & poor, isn't it? ㅠnㅠ
Blah! Nothing to say d.... Just to vent here... !@#$%^
Annyeong!
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